Bethsaida, Galilee — 2178th Day of Caesar Augustus — 1 page three pence
Yes, you heard correctly. As they were gathered to hear this famous teacher, his bullying bodyguards stole a child’s lunch from him in order to feed others. They first asked politely, and then forcefully took, little John Baptiste’s lunch.
Your reporter
Jesus Feeds A Multitude
Today your reporter witnessed something truly unbelievable – This guy they are calling Jesus has supposedly fed 20,000 people with a child’s lunch purchased from the local McCaesar’s.
Yes, you heard correctly. As they were gathered to hear this famous teacher, his bullying bodyguards stole a child’s lunch from him in order to feed others. They first asked politely, and then forcefully took, little John Baptiste’s lunch. As a matter of fact, they got quite nasty about it after he refused to give up the lunch that his mother had sent.
Why would they do such a thing? Well, Jesus told them to give the people something to eat. Maybe they considered this horrendous act their contribution to making this happen. Of course, they realized the folly of feeding so many people with this single Joyous Meal. Even though it seemed impossible, they took this stolen meal to their leader. He said some sort of prayer and started handing out the food.
The men, women and children were told to sit in groups on the green grass. Instead of a single meal, the food just kept coming. Baskets and baskets were handed out to every group of people, all 20,000 or so. After everyone had eaten, there were 12 baskets of leftovers remaining which were dropped at the local food bank sponsored by a nearby chapter of Caesar Cares.
You may be asking yourself, did this really happen? Well, I was there and had bread and a few fish myself. It happened, but how? Maybe the teacher had set up this miracle by
purchasing and hiding 20,000 of these meals beforehand. As a matter of fact, that has to be how it happened since we know that food just doesn’t appear out of thin air.
In a search for truth, I checked with the local McCaesar’s and they had no record of such a sale, but maybe they are in on this deception. Then again, maybe the meals were purchased from a different restaurant. We know that all of the meals from McCaesar’s have such special tasting fried leeks.
This is so unbelievable, it is as if it were pulled from the headlines of the Bethlehem Enquirer. Who has ever heard of such a thing as feeding thousands of people with a single McCaesar Joyous Meal? Rest assured that your reporter will continue this search for truth in a followup article. The truth is out there, we just have to find it!
